just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
