Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
