woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize