I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
NoShamevember. You game?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
