dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
