you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
