I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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