he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
