my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
