Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
