Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
