His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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