Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
