STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
