i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
