i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
