Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
3pm strippers are depressing
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
