Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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