Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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