I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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