my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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