i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
