Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
