Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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