Umm I'm too high to move.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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