some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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