Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he fucked my hip out of place.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
