You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i think my tv is drunk
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I supernannyed him into submission
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
