Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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