i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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