Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
