member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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