eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
