I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
