Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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