just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
