I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
