i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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