You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
