one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
