I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
