I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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