I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
im holly from the hills drunk
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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