Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You have to summon your inner elephant
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
