i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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