I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
