One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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