somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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