Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
