I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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