I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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