i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
