youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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