Say something about gay babies.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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