I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
