I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
