It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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