During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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