Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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