made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
