And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
