that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
