Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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