You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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