His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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