Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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