Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
