to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
