just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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