I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize