It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
