He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
