I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
