I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
