I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
