Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
