Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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