Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
