Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
