Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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