Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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