I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
