why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
