is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
