I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
