I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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