I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
