And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Randomize
