So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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