why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
