would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
