im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
