Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My dad just said "fuck circus"
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
