new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
