Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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