some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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