Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He uses pillows to masturbate.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Randomize
