But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
