I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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