it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
God gave him joint rollers for hands
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
