then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
