Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Is Oprah even human
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
