I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
