I cannot find my penis.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Randomize
