mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
