Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
