Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
