My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
